So, you have to go somewhere, and all your friends standing about equal distance from the car and you are also getting very sick of being the one who always seems to be sitting in that awful middle seat on the hump in the backseat of the car. There are laws that have been put into place to help determine the rights of those who sit in the car. The law of the shotgun. Calling shotgun is a sacred law that is abided by those who usually also act in accordance with the Bro Code. First and foremost, if there is a woman present, she gets to sit in the front as you are a gentleman and a scholar and have morals. However, if it is just you and a bunch of your overly-long limbed bros, then it is perfectly in your right to call shotgun. He who calls shotgun first is the one entitled to the front seat of the car in the upper-right quadrant of the car. Most importantly, the car must be in view. Calling shotgun from three miles away is meaningless and you will be considered a fool and a dreamer. So, when the car is in view, and when everyone is there to hear you, it is time to call shotgun and the seat is yours. However, if you and your bro call shotgun at the same time, then a second law is put into practice: the law of the blitz. A blitz play is when the front seat shall go to whoever can reach the door first and other must sit in the back-middle seat full of shame and the understanding that they are clearly the weaker link. Now there also comes the quandary of whether you have an excessively tall freak in your group and how much he will complain about sitting in the back.
Try to drown out his complaining as he clearly just showed that he was not intelligent enough to call shotgun before you. Another dilemma could arise if you call shotgun and one Neanderthal friend does not even respect the sanctity of what you did. You have probably been told a few times in your life that violence is never the answer. In this situation, violence is not only allowed, it is recommended. Rip his disrespectful butt out of the seat and proclaim your superiority for all of your friends to see. Back to the blitz play, there also can be a situation where you and your friend reach the door at the same time. No, it is not time for violence just yet, but a rock, paper, scissors match can solve this problem. There are a few ways to go about this and I recommend cheating. Try throwing out your hand a second after him and try to see what he is going to throw out, so you know what to do and win. This is not a time for honor; your leg room is at stake. Follow these rules and you will be just fine on your next outing to to the mall or McDonalds.